the ugly vs. the fat

you know how people are always asking the million dollar question: would you rather be blessed with all the beauty or have the brains?

(why is it that people always focus on positive attributes and never question the ugly choices.. unfair, isn't it?)

what if you had to choose between being butt-ugly and severly obese...??

monkeys and elephants.

Why do elephants wear springs on their feet?

So they can jump up into trees to have sex with the monkeys.






What's the most terrifying sound to a monkey?

BOING!

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A conversation between two morons:

"I saw a really dirty movie yesterday. They even licked where we pee!"

"Ohmygod! On the rim of the bowl or on the floor??"

the KA LAT mystery...

Good evening my Chinese homies.
Welcome to my show, the Mystifyingly Mysterious Mysteries.
I'm your host Bagina Chong.
Tonights mystery is the all-mystifying KA LAT mystery.

We will begin with the million dollar question. What the hell is KA LAT? I'm talking about the KA LAT from KA LAT DAIE which means armpit in Cantonese. We all know very well that DAIE refers to 'pit', that leaves us with KA LAT which obviously refers to arm...right? BUT you never see us go around asking ppl ' tong mo lei ge KA LAT??'
or 'law lei ge KA LAT lei' or 'wah! ho fei ar lei ge KA LAT!!'. That, would be plain crazy talk. And crazy talk is like, SO, like, below us, girlfriend! (snaps fingers) It is not derived from Hokkien or Hakka.

so....

What the @#&*$ is KA LAT? No one really knows. It's a mystery.
And that just about wraps up this episode of the MYSTIFYINGLY MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES! Till the next episode. when you say? who knows? that, will remain a mystery too.
Thank you for joining us, I'm your host Bagina Chong.

the ULTIMATE CYCLE

.....and definitely the ultimate party trick.

dreams

you know im sick of following my dreams.. I'm just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later.

YOU LUCKY PPL

I'm here to grace you all with my presence. I'm am here to save you all from your boring lives.
Yes, i know, feels real good doesn't it? I do have that affect on all.
I, the Titilator knows All! And is always free to perform titilation.

tsk tsk...you guys are so lucky to have me.

Yours Truly,
Linz the nipplehoe.

fat girls

An excerpt taken from another blog:

Doomed to roam the land unloved, used in moments of desperation, and, well, FAT.

Fat girls do need love. They need it way more than the girls who get our love. I mean, they’re fucked! Totally, utterly, completely fucked. But then there’s the whole thing of - WHY NOT JUST STOP EATING SO MUCH? Having a little extra padding is one thing (and on girls, can be really cute, if it hangs right), but being grossly fat is GROSS. So it’s that sort of thing where you simultaneously have both PITY and CONTEMPT for them. Poor, poor, fat girls.

armageddon.

the end is near.

school starts in 4 days. stupid australian winter.

summer-o-rama.

Trailer directors or editors are geniuses. They can make a shitty film look good in a time span of 2 minutes. I watched Fantastic Four today, it sucked ass. Sure some people said it would be shit when they saw the trailer, i thought it looked pretty cool, but i guess Jessica Alba more than justifies the ticket price and the shitty story. Dont watch Fantastic Four. Hot girls reside in Singapore, fact.

wimbledon ii

beast could not be tamed. (although, he does look less beast-like without the stupid headband.) someone check him for steroids.

mgb is behind roddick all the way.

help us, help you.

porkers, mainly the female ones anyway, go on a diet. why is it OUR job to look past the fat? It should be YOUR job to help us look past the fat. Stop being so stupid and lazy. Always eating food. Children in Africa are starving! Being fat is a health issue and an economic issue and can save others. Stop eating so the poor can!

End Poverty, Support Live 8