emgeebe.

hello 2007!

2007-09-27T17:29:00.000+08:00

Alot has happened. Fat people have gotten fatter, ugly people have gotten uglier. Yay to progression.

Visit Malaysia!

2006-10-25T17:45:00.000+08:00

Why? Where else can you traverse malls and find amusment from the numerous fuglies?

Dont go to Singapore! Why? Cause according to a very credible source, the fatty count was at a pathetic lowly 2!

I blame their stupid education and socialisation system. The system that teaches them if they're ugly, they'd best not go out wandering around town, and if you're fat, you get ridiculed.

Handy tip: Visit KLCC on a public holiday, the sheer number of fuglies will leave you in a fit.

2006-10-20T01:30:00.000+08:00

Fat kids are funny.

wow a new post!

2006-10-20T00:58:00.000+08:00

Fat/Ugly people, please do me a favour and stay at home. I'm feeling sick. I want to go out and feel good, not worse. Thank you.

Which got me wondering, fat people have fat camp to make them lose weight, but what do ugly people have?

busy as a beaver.

2006-07-18T21:33:00.000+08:00

Miss us? i wouldnt either. Goodbye.

help!

2006-05-23T20:26:00.000+08:00

Wanted: A fat person who is willing to be used as a human pinyata for a birthday party.

Pay: Said fat person will be rewarded with a bucket of fried chicken or vouchers to golden arches.

By doing this, you will not only make a little girl very happy, but provide hope to others that wishes do come true. Just picture that look of joy on the girl's face when she wields that stick and hits the pinyata. Do you want to be the person to break her heart? Please lend a helping hand.

Make her happy. Do the right thing.

Pffft

2006-05-14T02:56:00.000+08:00

Assignments due + exams soon, what a way to spend May.
Why is it whenever you need time, you can never find any?

sigh....
time to procrastinate a little more....
another 20 seconds wasted.

Try this at home

2006-05-04T23:54:00.000+08:00

Try to:

- Touch your wrists with your middle fingers, and stick your tongue out.

- Pretend you're biting your ear and swatting a fly.

Do these exercises in front of a mirror.

lets be honest

2006-03-07T20:04:00.000+08:00

I think the ugliness of a person is directly proportionate to her annoyance. Not so much fat people, they're just good to laugh at. And well, i could care less about ugly guys.

A year gone by

2006-03-06T02:04:00.000+08:00

Another year gone, more pounds added on to your body, less clothes that fit, happy birthday lady fat (read:lilea)!

From me and bex.

Its shocking how little ideas google gives you when you search for fat birthday wishes..

yellow fever

2006-03-02T14:02:00.000+08:00

watch this if you haven't already...

it's hilarious, and the guy is hot ;)

(might take a while to load though...)

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5847984513475560733&q=yellow+fever

Neglecting

2006-02-23T23:38:00.000+08:00

Emgeebe gets neglected quite often. But its much like a retarded baby, where you dont really shower it with much attention (yes, some people do it). And when you neglect a retarded baby, its bound to end up all messed up later in life, but then its okay because no one expected great things from a retarded baby anyway.

And when emgeebe does get attention, you end up getting shit like this.

Politically Incorrectness.

2006-02-09T02:01:00.000+08:00

What would you say would be the Funniest Physical Problem?

Obesity?

Ugliness?

What else can you come up with?

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY WILLY!!

2006-01-28T01:05:00.000+08:00

birthdays = fat kids and cake.

or just me and cake.

happy?

Commit all seven sins this week..

2006-01-26T23:24:00.000+08:00

.. and earn yourself a place in hell.

Day 1:
Lust - Oogle a particularly attractive member of the opposite sex.

Day 2:
Envy - Discover who their partner is and let jealousy enwrap you.

Day 3:
Greed - Even if you're already loved up, decide you could do with something on the side.

Day 4:
Wrath/Anger - Rage, when the object of your desire politely tells you to stop oogling them.

Day 5:
Sloth - Let despondency get the better of you and spend the day in bed, alone.

Day 6:
Gluttony - To forget the pain of rejection, what better than an alcohol and chocolate orgy?

Day 7:
Pride - You never fancied them anyway, they're simply not in your league.

Happy Birthday Jan!

2006-01-19T00:17:00.000+08:00

Wooot... I think this is abit late, but who cares. Haha.. So anyways, just wishing Jan the happiest 21st b'day ever.
Lets all try to reminise(sp) bout Jan.
1.) He is now an illegal immigrant in the UK cos he decided to skip Sg National Service.
2.) He used too much gel in his hair.
3.) We used to trash his house and stay over weekly.
4.) He loves Nando's Perry Perry Chicken....Yucks.

Haha Good old Jan, always our Bitch! Thanks for the good times man.....

*mwax.

2006-01-03T12:53:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECKY!!!!!!!!

Year End Bonanza

2005-12-29T11:27:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year. Hope you have a good year blah blah..

Oh and King Kong wasn't that great. To be honest, it kind of sucked.

ps: Naomi Watts dies in the movie.

mgb bloggers.

2005-12-12T13:23:00.000+08:00

typical mgb conversations on msn:

william- go post you lazy pig.

* * * * *

becky- willy keeps harrassing me to post.
lilea- me too.
becky- go post lil.
lilea- no you post!
becky- i'm too lazy..
lilea- yeaahh, me too.

* * * * *

and today....

lilea- have you been to our dead blog recently?
linz- can you pls give me the link...
lilea- . . . . .

hahaha.... <3 you linz!!

urm

2005-12-11T23:43:00.000+08:00

~~do people still come here? there is nothing to see here, move along (mere coincidence with the message on osocan).~~

Clearly someone still visits. case in point: click to see

Next update will be on whether king kong sucks or not.

fast food metaphors

2005-11-18T18:32:00.000+08:00

Anticipation: What a fat girl feels between placing an order and getting her fries.

suicide bombers

2005-11-16T23:46:00.000+08:00

ok, so i think there's a general consensus amongst non-extremists/non-psychos that terrorist bombings are terribly inconvenient. but when you bomb a KFC, you've gone far and beyond despicability. i don't care if you hate corporate America and Western civilization, you leave the chicken alone. what did the colonel ever do to you, except provide you with tasty morsels? moreover, with a possible bird flu epidemic imminent, you should eat as much chicken as you can right now before it's too late. and every human being has that right.

Silly Azn.

2005-10-30T02:22:00.000+08:00

I wish to renouce from my race please.

yay for uglies

2005-10-18T14:10:00.000+08:00

I was thinking, in my semesters at uni, im constantly surrounded by uglies, it just isnt right. With maybe one or two exceptions here and there. Instead of looking out for hot girls, i should just hold my own daily ugly girl competition. At least they would win at something right? And i'd too, by laughing loudly or something. Its not like i'd run out of contestants. Its ugly girl central up in here.

beep.

2005-10-13T01:08:00.000+08:00

We arent dead. In fact, im quite sure all five posters are alive. Just ignore the long hiatus. Emgeebe will be back to its original goodness in due time.

And just to make this post just that less boring, becky's nano will soon become this:

Rock On!

2005-09-16T10:15:00.000+08:00

So.... It's a wednesday night, your "date" just called to say she couldnt make it cos her mom's brother's cousin's niece's friend's stranger just died, so now your lonely and bawling like a little girly girl, well here's the kick-aZZ solution to bring you out of your misery! Get off your crusty butt and switch on your TV and tune into Starworld at 9 or 10 pm, depending on wheter your watch is fast or slow, and catch RockStar INXS. Well, if you dont have astro then its high time you get it i suppose...

I dont want to waste my time watching tv cos too much tvs bad for you and u can get cancer from sitting too close to the television you say? Well then your wrong AND stupid. You dont know what your missing out on. Its the remaining geriatrics of the band INXS's , the ones that didnt overdose, contest where singers from all over the World battle it out in a free for all musical bonanza to try and oust each other to become The Next INXS Lead Singer!

The musics great... Great... GREAT! Simply put they have THE greatest songs ever. Radiohead - Creep. Foo Fighters - Everlong. Stone Temple Pilots - Interstate Love Song. The singers are awesome... except for this guy called MIG. Who names their child after a fighter jet? I certainly wont! Ok fine, maybe he has an ok, so so body but it still doesnt make up for his dancing.. and his clothes, OMG his clothes! They dont make clothes tighter than his, i guess thats his secret to hitting high notes. Oh, he shares the same wardrobe as the women by the way... to save costs i think. Ok...off topic but it had to be said.

Oooh, and Dave Navarro is a co-host. But noone cares and his comments are so dumb but funny in a dumb way, know what i mean? I bet your all wondering who the other host is eh, yup...its none other that Brooke "I never knew she had a face, never got that far up" Burke. To top it off, she wears next to nothing every show! First time i saw, i could have sworn she was only wearing a belt. turns out it wasnt :(

Ok, just tune in but i guess im a little late telling u this as theres only 1 week left! hehe... Suckaz!

Get Marty Casey - Trees
i, don't wanna go through this life... without you, by my side...

For funny shit check this out - http://www.newsfilter.org/videos/index.php?id=1654 note, there might be some nudity, not the clip itself but the rest of the page is dirty eeeeee.... Little boy tries to get laid.... tries....

Oh, and kudos to me on completing Season 1 - 3 and the movie of Transformers! Robots in disguise...

ALL HAIL the NANONESS

2005-09-15T03:23:00.000+08:00

EEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! It's sooo BEAUTIFUL.....

Laugh I Tell You, LAUGH!

2005-09-14T22:58:00.000+08:00

Why was the skeleton lonely at the dance?

Cos he had noBODY to dance with!

Isnt it a sad reality... Skeleton Jr wasn't popular enough, in fact people shunned him! In school, Skele - lets call him that for short cos Skeleton Jr's just such an awful name - would hide in the science lab, cos his only friend Mr Bones was there. Noone ever told Skele that Bones was only a model...sucker! Skele had a mother, Mrs Skeleton. A father, Mr Skeleton. And a sister, Ally McBeal.. It's TRUE, i wouldnt lie!
So anyways, one day, Skele saw his mother getting attacked by a hungry dog. Did he try to help her? Oh no... Skele wouldnt do that... Skele wasnt brave cos Skele had no GUTS! :P

No one else is lamer than me. I lose.

to our anonymous commenter

2005-09-06T12:17:00.000+08:00

this is a tribute to you and all the other fatties out there..

art is beauty.. and beauty is in the eye of the beholder..

;)

you should all go to: http://www.leonardnimoyphotography.com/7body.htm

Oh See

2005-09-01T15:43:00.000+08:00

Season Three: T minus 7 days! w00t!

*Update: SPOILERS AHEAD. Just saw the episode. Oh see the damn drama. Kirsten's friend at that clinic creeps me out. Sandy in the midst of all the drama in his family has time to go out and buy a nice new car. And Julie is the same old bitch. The oc's back!

HAIRBALL

2005-09-01T02:22:00.000+08:00

Goodness! porker cats!

Pet peeves

2005-08-26T02:15:00.000+08:00

Everyone has at least one "pet peeve". You know, little things like being bothered when people leave the light on in the bathroom, or when people don't rinse off their dishes after eating, dumb stuff like that.

So, what is everyone's pet peeve?

Mine include:

Crying babies.
Unflushed toilets.
People who simply must utter highly audible gasps, comments or whatever during every movie they sit through.
women who keep asking "do i look fat?"
fat people who complain about their weight as they eat a fucking big mac
slow internet
Slow/stupid drivers

The list goes on.

our FUTURE GENERATION.

2005-08-26T02:06:00.000+08:00

GOD help us.

Fangirls

2005-08-22T23:34:00.000+08:00

As a guy, what would you do if some female porker really likes you and starts hitting on you?

Run, as fast as you can, because you know the fat chicks couldn’t keep up!

And the winner is

2005-08-21T12:47:00.000+08:00

Peking duck.

Thats right, the best chinese dish on the face of this world.

Feel free to argue.

I'd post pictures but i cant find any. I'll take a picture the next time i eat it.

Hits and comments

2005-08-20T12:50:00.000+08:00

Ok.

According to my web stats program, I have, in the last 2 months, received 650 hits . That is pretty good, considering I we are harsh bastards and we have zero publicity… My question is why nobody wants to leave their mark??

Comment, you fools. If you’re too shy, send me an email and let me know that you think my site is the Bee’s Knees. If you think it is a piece of shit, go ahead and let me know that too.

Why aren’t you commenting?? Go now and comment. Comment comment comment.

Perverted Apologies.

2005-08-16T02:29:00.000+08:00

Apologies to everyone.
My perversion has severely gone beyond and over propriety level.
I am beyond help. I have been regarding images such as these to be purely art that brings nothing but joy to me. I am very sorry. It will never happen again.
Now excuse me while i go for my daily PA meetings. I've been told there is HOPE!

LETHAL AIR

2005-08-11T02:50:00.000+08:00

Scientists have finally confirmed the much feared rumour that has been floating around since a few days after the beginning of the deadly haze. After the public confirmation, (which was broadcasted on all the channels this morning) a series of explanations on the occurance of the exact symptoms and physical transformations ensued. Many people had difficulty absorbing and comprehending the explanations that were given. So, the scientists had decided that it was best to see it for ourselves.

Patient no#669 : Gorjus Chan
Occupation : Top swim suit model.

WHAT SAY YOU?

2005-08-10T02:21:00.000+08:00

RICH?

PERSONALITY?

.....siblings?.......NAH. please chose between the above two.

I almost forgot

2005-08-07T02:47:00.000+08:00

To you new posters out there, you should do an intro like here and here just for the sake of it. You should do one too fatcheeks.

dinner laughing

2005-08-07T01:40:00.000+08:00

So i was having dinner with a friend and at the table next to us, was this porker with a skinny lady friend. The first thing i noticed was how unstable the chair under him looked. Then i thought of the possibility of that chair just breaking under him and the emotions that would follow. I'd imagine myself to be just rolling on the floor laughing my ass off at him without feeling an inch of embarrassment for him. My friend said she'd feel very embarrassed not just for him, but for his date too..

Then i thought, if i was out with a porker friend (read: becky) and the chair broke under her, i'd laugh too. I mean, it really IS that funny. So basically i'd laugh at strangers and friends alike. I mean, they're fat, that itself is a joke already. What kind of sound do you think he'd make if he fell? Not the sound of him physically falling or the chair breaking but an actual noise from him.. Picture waiters rushing to his aid but fail in pulling him up and instead end up being dragged down to the floor.

Dinner ended, he didnt break the chair. I was heartbroken. :(

If he did fall though, he'd only have himself to blame. Stupid porkers, stay off the mcdonalds.

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC

2005-08-05T03:46:00.000+08:00

DA nananEh NAH! DA nananEh NAH!
DA nananEh NAH na nana NAHH!!!! nerNA!

FACT : A whale penis is known as a, dork.

DA nananEh NAH! DA nananEh NAH!
DA nananEh NAH na nana NAHH!!!! nerNA!

ART at its finest.

2005-08-02T00:13:00.000+08:00

Utter brillance.

Genius, pure genius...

2005-08-01T20:36:00.000+08:00

Who would have thought... stuffing juicy succulent slices of meat into little rice pockets would ever create such magic?
Im talking about Mos burger, a small chain of japanese style fast food restaurants found in Singapore. I highly recommend the Yakiniku burger..it's thin strips of beef lathered with special sauce together with slices of vege in a slightly salty rice pocket! Each bite is a tiny bit of excitement, i promise you, the biggest spasm inducing orgasm you can ever get from a burger! I kid you not! If fast foods were a female, Mos burger would be the butt cheeks!
The only thing wrong with it is that you have to wait 10 mins to get your food! But its worth it... in fact, everyone reading this should drive down to Singapore and get a Mos burger now!

It just seems common sense but fast food restaurants shouldn't hire obese people! I just got some Mos burger and the person at the counter nearly made me change my mind! I mean imagine walking into a fast food restaurant, you're already feeling a little guilty about the calories.. ( 1 MacDonald meal = 45 mins intensive jogging) and you see this guy who u can't decide is serving which of the 2 counters hes standing behind of! That's just so wrong!...

listen to this Bush- Inflatable

There is hope!

2005-08-01T14:28:00.000+08:00

Real beauty?

This for the fat and ugly people. (read: becky and lilea)

Finally, what everyone had been waiting for...

2005-08-01T05:35:00.000+08:00

August 1st, Monday, 5.35 Am.. A day that will be remembered in EmGeeBe history!

I, Nick , do solemnly and sincerely pledge that,
I will always bear true faith and allegiance to EmGeeBe and its members...
I will uphold the honour of the site and aforementioned members...
I will do my utmost to protect and preserve the honour of EmGeeBe...
With My Life!!

reader : Excuse me your Greatness, what can us insignificants expect from you? will you be as lame and crappy as Mr Em Gee Be himself, William?
Kcin : Shut the ~~Fuck~~ (do you really have to resort to swearing?) up... Don't talk to me again...
reader : *sorry*

Hope you guys enjoy future post, in store for u are....
undeniably great songs!
your daily dose of controversy!
laughs laughs and more laughs!
insults galore!
and a whole lot more!

Oh and this sucks! no one welcomed me!? Where's the promised welcome wagon?! Where's the champagne and strippers?! Where's the cake and the overweight intoxicated clown?! mmm I hate clowns... clowns scare me... *brrr*

the ugly vs. the fat

2005-07-28T13:57:00.000+08:00

you know how people are always asking the million dollar question: would you rather be blessed with all the beauty or have the brains?

(why is it that people always focus on positive attributes and never question the ugly choices.. unfair, isn't it?)

what if you had to choose between being butt-ugly and severly obese...??

monkeys and elephants.

2005-07-26T14:06:00.000+08:00

Why do elephants wear springs on their feet?

So they can jump up into trees to have sex with the monkeys.

What's the most terrifying sound to a monkey?

BOING!

-------------------------------------------------

A conversation between two morons:

"I saw a really dirty movie yesterday. They even licked where we pee!"

"Ohmygod! On the rim of the bowl or on the floor??"

the KA LAT mystery...

2005-07-26T00:28:00.000+08:00

Good evening my Chinese homies.
Welcome to my show, the Mystifyingly Mysterious Mysteries.
I'm your host Bagina Chong.
Tonights mystery is the all-mystifying KA LAT mystery.

We will begin with the million dollar question. What the hell is KA LAT? I'm talking about the KA LAT from KA LAT DAIE which means armpit in Cantonese. We all know very well that DAIE refers to 'pit', that leaves us with KA LAT which obviously refers to arm...right? BUT you never see us go around asking ppl ' tong mo lei ge KA LAT??'
or 'law lei ge KA LAT lei' or 'wah! ho fei ar lei ge KA LAT!!'. That, would be plain crazy talk. And crazy talk is like, SO, like, below us, girlfriend! (snaps fingers) It is not derived from Hokkien or Hakka.

so....

What the @#&*$ is KA LAT? No one really knows. It's a mystery.
And that just about wraps up this episode of the MYSTIFYINGLY MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES! Till the next episode. when you say? who knows? that, will remain a mystery too.
Thank you for joining us, I'm your host Bagina Chong.

the ULTIMATE CYCLE

2005-07-20T00:34:00.000+08:00

.....and definitely the ultimate party trick.

dreams

2005-07-20T00:12:00.000+08:00

you know im sick of following my dreams.. I'm just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later.

YOU LUCKY PPL

2005-07-18T23:17:00.000+08:00

I'm here to grace you all with my presence. I'm am here to save you all from your boring lives.
Yes, i know, feels real good doesn't it? I do have that affect on all.
I, the Titilator knows All! And is always free to perform titilation.

tsk tsk...you guys are so lucky to have me.

Yours Truly,
Linz the nipplehoe.

fat girls

2005-07-17T03:15:00.000+08:00

An excerpt taken from another blog:

Doomed to roam the land unloved, used in moments of desperation, and, well, FAT.
Fat girls do need love. They need it way more than the girls who get our love. I mean, they’re fucked! Totally, utterly, completely fucked. But then there’s the whole thing of - WHY NOT JUST STOP EATING SO MUCH? Having a little extra padding is one thing (and on girls, can be really cute, if it hangs right), but being grossly fat is GROSS. So it’s that sort of thing where you simultaneously have both PITY and CONTEMPT for them. Poor, poor, fat girls.

armageddon.

2005-07-14T02:45:00.000+08:00

the end is near.

school starts in 4 days. stupid australian winter.

summer-o-rama.

2005-07-07T23:22:00.000+08:00

Trailer directors or editors are geniuses. They can make a shitty film look good in a time span of 2 minutes. I watched Fantastic Four today, it sucked ass. Sure some people said it would be shit when they saw the trailer, i thought it looked pretty cool, but i guess Jessica Alba more than justifies the ticket price and the shitty story. Dont watch Fantastic Four. Hot girls reside in Singapore, fact.

wimbledon ii

2005-07-03T23:48:00.000+08:00

beast could not be tamed. (although, he does look less beast-like without the stupid headband.) someone check him for steroids.

mgb is behind roddick all the way.

help us, help you.

2005-07-02T23:21:00.000+08:00

porkers, mainly the female ones anyway, go on a diet. why is it OUR job to look past the fat? It should be YOUR job to help us look past the fat. Stop being so stupid and lazy. Always eating food. Children in Africa are starving! Being fat is a health issue and an economic issue and can save others. Stop eating so the poor can!

End Poverty, Support Live 8

did someone need a beast to be tamed?

2005-06-28T02:51:00.000+08:00

Gaston can!

wimbledon.

2005-06-28T02:33:00.000+08:00

can no one kill this beast that is federer?

stupidity

2005-06-23T02:12:00.000+08:00

Stupidity pisses me off. Stupid drivers, stupid sales people, stupid tv shows, the whole lot. Damn stupids.

emo

2005-06-21T03:54:00.000+08:00

i realise the title is emo, but you do see the funny side dont you?

some healthy advice

2005-06-20T03:17:00.000+08:00

have you ever told a joke that bombed so bad that people just avoid eye contact with you, leaving you to soak in your own humiliation?

how do you recover from a situation like that?

make the joke come off as a statement. add the words "you know, im just saying..."

this is lame. becky's making noise i should post. blah blah. all she does is nag. stupid whiny people.

dead enough for you?

2005-06-15T17:59:00.000+08:00

this is food related.

2005-06-15T13:36:00.000+08:00

A tomato and a cucumber walk into a bar.
The tomato approaches the bartender and says " can we see your menu please ?"
The bartender says NO, we don't serve food here.

dilemma.

2005-06-14T04:34:00.000+08:00

~~Would you rather eat sandwiches or pasta for the rest of your life?~~ If you were to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Discuss.

Food discussions make me sick now. Im stuffed from a cream puff and ice cream.

ahem.

2005-06-13T04:47:00.000+08:00

DIE frog DIE.

mmmmm puddinnnn.

2005-06-12T03:38:00.000+08:00

stinkies.

2005-06-10T11:37:00.000+08:00

i went to canada's wonderland today. it was a lot of fun. (when was the last time you baked in the sun, rubbed sweat against random people, ate ice lollies and cotton candy?)
but i think they should have a separate line for people that smell.
"kindly queue here (better yet, go home) if you emit any sort of body odour or if you didn't shower yesterday. thank you for your kind consideration and for helping to keep our canadian air clean" teehee.

through it all ...

2005-06-07T04:19:00.000+08:00

7 years in England.
4 schools.
people in and out of my life.
jeans i ripped when i sat down (excess flab problem).
through it all, you were there.

i love you, duck rice.

(ARHM ARHM ARHM ARHM ARHM ad infinitum)

denim shenanigans.

2005-06-06T18:49:00.000+08:00

oh snap, my jeans dont fit.

A miserable past.

2005-06-05T02:57:00.001+08:00

When i was younger, i had two imaginary friends, bob and charlie. They weren't alot of fun, they used to gang up on me.

hahaha i lie, oh wait. bob's on the phone.

~~and becky, go download this (torrent link). Cant wait for our movie adventures to begin..~~

willy forced me to do this. what a willy.

2005-06-02T00:19:00.000+08:00

i have a name. i also have a nose. but i do not have a light saber. i want to go over to the dark side, but i have no emotions so it is a difficult process. i do not think that chicken pox scars are beauty marks, and i have four beauty marks on my face. in a diagonal line, starting from my chin to my ear. this is meant to be incredibly good luck if you are chinese, which i am. or am i? i have brown hair. IT IS NOT DYED. but people keep asking me if it is. so you see, there is speculation. i also cannot speak chinese. perhaps i am a banana. or a deep fried porker. but i am le tired (ok, take a nap. zen fire ze missiles! i hope all of you have seen that cartoon about the end of the world). i do not feel the nuclear threat. but i think we should bring back public flogging. i will eat cream cakes while the floggings are taking place. cream cakes are lovely. who invented cream cakes? if there were more cream cakes in the world, people would be superfluous.

now let me sleep.

william edit: your hair is so dyed, why do you lie about such little things, my non hermit friend.

Introducing..

2005-06-01T23:51:00.000+08:00

I am William Lo. I am 20 years of age, born on December 17th, 1985. Im a Sagitarius which means nothing unless your into that sort of thing. Im your typical asian guy, with the black hair and brown eyes and the face that resembles many other asians. Yes we all look a like, and my favorite color is green, but I only own one green item. I reside in KL, Malaysia. I am 5'10, 150bs, I wear a size 11 shoe (for most brands).

I've lived in KL for 20 years before I wrote this. I check the mail from time to time. I usually get nothing, but sometimes I get junk mail addressed to me...which is not cool. I rarely eat breakfast. I pee around twice a day and poop once every two days. Sometimes I shower when I first get up, sometimes I wait 'till later. I haven't shaved in like...3 days, because I am lazy and I can't do a back-flip.

I enjoy Sprite, Coke and a variety of other beverages. I am not fat, but I enjoy almost all foods. I am in my final year of uni and i have hated it since the very first day. I plan to not work after i graduate. It's quite hot right now. I am wearing boxers and an old t-shirt with 2 holes. The fan is making lots of noise 'cause it's a piece of shit, and im too lazy to find the remote for the a/c.

My hair was short, but it's about less than an inch now since i shaved my head recently, it looks like crap. I can't grow a full beard, but I CAN grow prepubescent peach-fuzz stubble. I type roughly 100 words a minute, maybe. I've never been in a fight before. I can raise my left eyebrow, raise the left side of my upper lip, move my left ear, and flare my nostrils. I am right handed. I am not very special. I cannot wink. I use Dove shampoo, because it smells good. I tend to use any kind of soap, but as of now I'm using Olay soap with some kind of moisturizer, because my skin dries out from other kinds of soap. I bite my lip when I'm thinking and not doing anything else. I don't leave the house much by choice and when I do I'm likely going to somebody else's house. I like to procastinate, and i love to sleep.

I've formed a sort of callus on the kung-fu chopping part of my right wrist from being on the computer so much. I brush my teeth once in the morning and once at night, and flossing is too much work. I dont like dentists cause they lie about the levels of pain. I've not been to a doctor in roughly two years. I'm pretty good at adjusting to most video games, and eventually becoming very good at them if I stick with them. The only games I play are Winning Eleven and Championship manager. I try to play tennis and football whenever i can, but i suck at both. I also have zero piercings/tattoos. I believe piercings are for fags and tattoos are kind of dumb, but am not against either. I use the term fag so much that it's lost any meaning that it might have ever held; to me it means something close to the same thing as calling somebody a person, more of less.

I try to capitalize and punctuate as I see fit, but only in essays. I am a Jack of few trades, and I suck at a lot of things. I want to eat some cream puffs.. I am the funniest person you don't know. That last statement is likely a lie. I like matching white text with a black background. I left a few things out that I didn't think were very important.

Mingers make me cringe. Punch me, i will bleed.

bobble bobble..

2005-05-31T14:02:00.000+08:00

If only you could actually see the bobbling action. Picture it bobbling to the tune of

DUM DUM DUM DUM-de-DUM DUM-de-DUM.

mingers united ii

2005-05-31T07:00:00.000+08:00

wouldn't the world be a better place, if when mingers kissed ...

(hermit.)

DUM DUM DUM DUM-de-DUM DUM-de-DUM

2005-05-31T06:14:00.000+08:00

if mace windu was a little bit nicer to anakin, he'd still be a jedi. but then i wouldn't have my new theme song, and my future children wouldn't have their designated bedtime buddy (teddy bears are for homos).

i think i'm getting a little obsessed. i completely sympathise with star wars fanatics.

art lessons.

2005-05-26T18:25:00.000+08:00

click to kill time

anybody want to teach me how to draw?

mingers united.

2005-05-25T20:55:00.000+08:00

its a well documented fact that seeing or being in close proximity to a minger is always unpleasant. the only thing worst is seeing more than one of them, and its hell on earth when they start making out. i have been scarred for life.

will this light saber do for you bex?

its not real so dont go looking out for it. haha.

random convo.

2005-05-25T01:07:00.000+08:00

here is a bit of a conversation i had today...

T: that girl we just met... she has a baby. a michelin baby.
L: uhh, what's a michelin baby..?
T: her baby is white and pasty. really chubby. with fat rolls, hanging out everywhere. like the michelin mascot baby!
L: ohmigawd, thats awful!

heehee.

REVENGE OF THE SITH

2005-05-24T07:17:00.000+08:00

Star wars, I like. Although the bit where Anakin actually becomes Vader is a leeeeetle bit of a letdown. Maybe they should have blasted out the theme louder and drawn out the speech more. DRAMAAAAAAA.

DUM DUM DUM DUM-de-DUM DUM-de-DUM.

My new theme song (the My Little Pony days are so over). Send it over please.

I know everyone has been going on about how bad an actor Hayden Christensen is but really, to look angry all the time hurts (try staring intently upwards, it kills that tendon or whatever it is holding your eyeballs in) so give him a break. What cracked me up in the cinema was Mr. Palpatine. He is comical. I know you guys haven't watched it yet, so I won't say anything more apart from this: stop sniffing your farts you sicko.

Woo hoo! That cinema outing made me glad (to use they gayest word i could think of). Back to studying tomorrow. But er, what year are the OC kids in? Are they seniors yet?

If I were a Jedi, my name would be Obese-one Kenobese. What would yours be?

ch-check it out.

2005-05-24T04:30:00.000+08:00

the oc season finale was indeed depressing. Stupid teen dramas.

But the episode did have the best one-liner of the whole season, when Seth made that Oliver comment.

haha ok goodnight.

Self-pride.

2005-05-24T04:26:00.000+08:00

Have you ever farted, and it smelled really bad ... but you just keep sniffing it ... and after a while, you start thinking that it kinda smells good in a really weird bad-smelling way?

No?

Me neither.

whine.

2005-05-22T22:41:00.000+08:00

i'm still brooding. but i did watch the OC finale and my oh my is it messed up. anyway, to cheer me up please:

1. buy me a light saber (did you know you can cut a bagel in half and toast it at the same time with one of those?)
2. name your first child 'Shithead' (pronounced Shuh-teed if that makes it any better), as one black American lady did (she did, she really did)

thank you. that's all i need to make me happy.

season finale(s)

2005-05-22T13:23:00.000+08:00

i've been watching heaps of them recently.
so far, the O.C was good, america's next top model didn't end the way i wanted it to and tmrw, it's desperate housewives. hehe.
i've been vegging infront of the tv lately.

except, i hate how summer holidays have started (supposedly for me anyway. sorry you two.. esp, becky with exams.. hehe) and there will be nothing to watch on tv. you'd think these hollywood people/broadcasting tv stations would have the sense to synchronise their tv seasons with holiday time, and not within the school year. poo.

p.s. i ate so much today, i feel like a blimp.

Optimistic advice you shouldn't follow..

2005-05-19T02:31:00.000+08:00

Dont put of till tomorrow what you can do today.

And if you die in your sleep tonight, you wasted your last day on earth doing laundry, or studying.

Keep your chin up.

Why, so you can look up my nose?

oh snap!

2005-05-18T01:36:00.000+08:00

look right.. -------> and scroll down a bit.

Finally got a poll that works.. Voters away. good luck for your exam fat one.

Its one of those polls that are easy to rig (read: vote as many times as you want type) so yeah.. Lil, this might be your one chance to redeem yourself somehow, just dont break your mouse clicking too much.

diligence.

2005-05-17T05:27:00.000+08:00

it's make your own quote day, so here is my contribution: procrastinating is the pastime of the inventive. (now quote me. i've always wanted to be quoted.)

exams start on wednesday. the past few days have been me eating and watching tv with my uncle, who watches stuff like antique roadshow and culture express on that chinese channel. white girls singing rock songs in mandarin are fascinating. black guys speaking fluent mandarin and confessing that they feel chinese even more so. knowing how much grandma's teddy bear would fetch at a garage sale, not so much.

in other news: i pulled a muscle tinkling on the piano, my extensor carpi ulnaris i think. it hurts. and i thought those 2kg weights at the gym would be my downfall.

i would have probably left the net earlier (ostensibly to study) and not posted at all, but when i signed in to msn to check my mail (i'm too lazy to type in the hotmail url) one of my friends starting unloading their troubles on me out of nowhere. i love all my friends, i do, but as they say, "a friend in need is a pest".

hmm. i hope this blog doesn't get out.

the moment of truth.

2005-05-16T01:30:00.000+08:00

receiving reports cards were always dreaded by me. who knew giving them out would be this much fun..

Posts

Length: preposterous
Quality: asinine
funninininess: nonsensical
originality: anecdotes suck.
fatness: 99.9 / 100
melawnia: 29

Comments

Length: pathetic
Quality: laughable
Coherence: non-existent.

Just not good enough. Definitely room for improvement.

LILEA'S REPORT CARD

2005-05-16T01:15:00.000+08:00

told you. evaluation time is here. joblessness is so fun.

POSTS

POSTING LENGTH: meep

POSTING QUALITY:
funninininess: humbug
originality: eeyore
fatness: -56
melawnia: 2

COMMENTS

COMMENT LENGTH: eh

COMMENT QUALITY:
coherence: double-yew-tee-eff

let's vote!

family ties.

2005-05-15T22:33:00.000+08:00

exam time is great. i have so much more free time, although obviously not as much as willy, who has as much time as he does crap to post. but i'm totally burnt out from making notes (i don't know how hard core geeks do it; they make notes throughout the year, and then they read them and learn them and memorise and study .... most admirable), and walking all the way back from the restaurant (duck rice ... mmmm), so i'll leave you with a tidbit from my little sister, who is almost as ingenious as i am.

"When a butterfly flaps its wings in New York, it rains in San Francisco.

When Fiona and Alix (edit: those are my sisters) go swimming in China,
there's a tsunami in Indonesia.

Imagine if Becky joined in."

she makes me so proud.

last one.

2005-05-13T02:11:00.000+08:00

an exercpt taken from an email from Jan dated April 1st 2003..

"heh yeah this becky is the laziest girl that i've ever seen... she is so unbelievably lazy its not even funny... "

hahahaha. some things in life just never change.

ponder this.

2005-05-13T02:06:00.000+08:00

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect so why practice at all?

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Children in backseats cause accidents, Accidents in backseats cause children.

The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why learn?

you think this is lame? well, thats spectacular for you. i need to do work, shit.

A random waste of time.

2005-05-13T00:28:00.000+08:00

(The following story is based on actual events that never actually happened.)

The other day, I was doing nothing at all, when suddenly I realized that I should probably breathe, else I shall surely perish. So I started breathing.

Crisis evaded.

After breathing for a while, I realized that doing nothing but breathing all day was pretty boring, so I began to prepare for grand adventurous adventures in the mystifyingly unknown depths of which I like to call "outside." I put on my super-sexy outside-going-grand-adventurous-adventures superhero outfit, and hopped out my bedroom window.

I should have opened it first. Bursting through glass is more painful than it looks on TV.

Once I finished picking shards of glass from my face, as well as other parts of my personal person, I leapt into action! Striding at a leisurely pace around the backyard, and through the gate (which I opened first), I was now standing beside my trusty Modus Transportus... The Car (I fail at naming stuff with cool names). With The Car, I can move quickly about outside, and find many grand adventurous adventures for sure! All I need to do is unlock the ...

Unlock ...

Blast! I had forgotten my keys!

My mission of grand adventurous adventures was foiled before it began. So I went back around the house to my bedroom and leapt back through the window (wrong window ... more glass), and went to sleep.

The End!

oh em gee.

2005-05-12T23:39:00.000+08:00

~~six~~ two things you didn't know about me.

i'm not a diva.
i'm the genius the title refers to.

to be continued..

what's in a name?

2005-05-12T16:56:00.000+08:00

So, there i was, reading my bible, until i had to stop. And laugh.

Let me share my newfound knowledge with you.

" ... the son of Dodo". Dodo is a biblical name.

Dodo was an Israelite. In fact, Dodo was part of the covenant bloodline. Now, everyone else in the covenant bloodline (all Dodo's cousins and what not) get really distinguished-sounding names, like Issachar or Gideon or Nehemiah. And then comes ... Dodo.

"I am GIDEON, commander of the Lord's army. The Midianites were just delivered into our hands."

"Dodo. Really nice to meet you."

"That's a dumb name. You're not allowed into my army."

DODO THE ISRAELITE

(highly speculative)

Dodo's grandson was a judge, so he must have been a proud grandaddy. That is everything I know about Dodo the Israelite.

warning signs.

2005-05-11T01:51:00.000+08:00

yesterday at work, one of our chairs broke under the slightly heavy weight of a tubby gentleman. and this happened before he had something to eat.
oh dear...

you know that you should go on a diet when:
*you have to buy clothes from plussss size stores
*people handing out free food samples always approach you first
*you break a chair or worse, your bed
*you dislike looking in the mirror
*you totally avoid slim rectangular mirrors
*you open the fridge door more than your front door
*you take up two seats on the subway (now this is just being inconsiderate!)
*you don't have any skinny friends because otherwise walking next to them would make the two of you look like the number 10.

porker.

2005-05-10T23:36:00.000+08:00

a while back, mgb suggested the 'porker' exercise for healthy living. it goes like this: see fat person, point, and scream 'porker!'. (now, for all you heavies out there, don't get upset; it's a term of endearment, willy calls me porker.)

however, i feel this indiscriminate use of the word compromises the essence of what a porker is. so, what is a porker?

well, a fat pink thing.
and this only applies to fat white people. because white people come in two colours, pasty pink and orange (not white).
now, this can't apply to fat yellow people, because they look like giant yellow marshmallows with two slits for eyes.
it can't apply to fat black people because they look like giant ..... hmmm.

HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN PORKER:
you need

one hungry white person of the pasty pink variety
ginormous quantities of sebaceous food
a month, give or take

now, point, and scream. PORKER! PORKER! PORKER! try it at home, kids.

meet bob.

2005-05-10T23:32:00.000+08:00

bob is my friend. he is not a shadow, he's just two dimensional.

recipe for funnies.

2005-05-10T23:02:00.001+08:00

becky is weak to be pressured into crap, you're the reason for the million teen pregnancies and druggies in the world!

are you fat?
a) yes
b) no
c) i wish i was just fat

are you a member of a gym?
a) yes
b) gyms are for wimps, i work out in front the mirror by myself
c) i cant fit into gym shorts

can you lift 2kg weights?
a) yes
b) haha, please, try 5.
c) my finger weighs 2kg

do you enjoy eating?
a) yes
b) no, im on atkins.
c) im banned from 'all you can eat' buffets.

If you answered mostly A's, you are a porker and this site will provide solace for you.

If you answered mostly B's, you need to dislodge that stick from your ass and come back down a peg.

If you answered mostly C's, well, sucks to be you!

home-made quizzes

2005-05-10T22:43:00.000+08:00

hmmm. i want it on the record that i was pressured into this.

are you colour blind?
a) yes
b) no

do you listen to cheesy songs called mama by a gay group of singers?
a) yes
b) no

do you get outraged over colour schemes, even though there is absolutely no difference to you on account of your colour blindness?
a) yes
b) no

do you think you have millions of adoring fans, when you only have, say, one?
a) yes
b) no

If you answered yes to all of the above, you are a DIVA, defined by urban dictionary as: A much overused media buzzword. Usually used by gays or fat women to describe other members of their cadre (and probably william).